Where's my muse?

Now that I have some time to think about design, and all, I can't seem to get myself into the studio to do anything. I seem to have all kinds of excuses not to get started. I need to really look at what it is I want to say in my work. One of the pieces that I have started that I haven't been able to pick up for a long while is a beaded embroidery piece called"Gramma loved Pink" It, of course, is a memory piece and I'm having a hard time with it. She was 99 when she died, so she lived a long and good life. I feel guilty that I wasn't able to visit more towards the end. Ever time I saw her she seemed to go down hill. I spoke at her funeral. I was the only one who could, I guess. I'm not sure why no one else did. My mom said she just couldn't, why my uncle didn't either or any of the other grand kids, I don't know. There are only 5 of us. I guess it's because I am the only female, besides Mom.
My husband and I went to Duluth down in Canal Park area and I bought some more beads and things for the piece. I always like to hit the antique stores for those. That seems to be easy to do, buy beads, buttons, whatever for the piece. Maybe as an excuse to go buy beads? Except that they are all of the color palette, pink, creams, greens, white and yellows. Some are hard to find. Not many yellows available and some of the pinks are horrible. I also found a sterling spoon in with a bunch of junk that was marked $4.00. I couldn't tell what the mark was it, but the woman at the check out told me it was sterling. Good grief. Sterling spoons are going for over 10 times that in the stores~ ! I'm surprised she still sold it to me.
I'm hoping that soon I will be able to get my muse and my groove back so I can get into doing some good work. I will have to work on why I'm so hard on myself later. Thanks for reading.