A Little Different Perspective...

You know, as I was sorting through my parents things, (the detritus of their lives that they have entrusted to me to have and to hold, forever, if needed), I started to wonder:  Do I really know who these people are?  I mean, we know our parents as, well, our parents - but did we, do we, really care who they are as people?  They are just Mom and Dad.  They really weren't "people".  Were they?  We were so worried about our lives as kids and how to get what we wanted by going around them or to staying out of the way or out of sight. Playing with our friends, what was going on in school, etc.  Doing what kids do.   We went to church, went on vacations, did chores and whatever, together.  I know I tried to stay out of my Dad's line of sight just in case he didn't like what he saw or had another "job" for me.  Kid stuff, you know? We have or had such a narrow view of who these people were or are in our lives.

It's kind of sad, because these are the two most important people in the world to us and yet, we really don't know them at all.  Nor did we take the time to find out, even as adults.  Maybe it's because as we try to develop our own lives and are busy with kids of our own, or college or relationships, or whatever, we don't realize that our parents had a life before us and also after us.  Or, maybe, it isn't possible for us to know them.  Generation too wide? Hmmm.  So who are/were they?

I had the unique opportunity, as I mentioned, to go through some of their things. They didn't do it when they moved, it just got brought to my house to deal with when Mom moved to a long term care facility because of her PSP, and Dad couldn't deal with it either, so guess who gets to go through it all and decide what needs to be done with it?  Me.  As I mentioned in another post, I am an only child, and so there is no one else.  So, I got to go through pictures of the past to letters they wrote to each other while Dad was in Korea.  Letters from their parents, siblings and friends. It was their form of email.  It seemed so much more important to get a letter in the mail from friends or relatives that it does getting an email, now.  I guess it meant more to take pen to paper and sit down and take the time to write what's been happening or thank you cards or invitations, or whatever, with our own hands.

Mom told me to burn it all.  I really wasn't so sure about that.  I did find a couple of letters, I told her, that were a little on the juicy side that she wrote to Dad.  Apparently, Dad had kept it and she in turn kept it in her desk for all these years after he returned.  She laughed at the memory and said what was juicy then, is nothing now.  I thought about that and she's right.  We don't have that mystery between each other as lovers or partners as they did. Everything is so "now".  There is no waiting, really.  If there is, we can't seem to handle it well.

She wrote to him about me when I was little, and how I was doing, and that Jim says "Hi!" and that she saw "so and so" somewhere.  Then she closed it by saying she missed him and wanted to be in his arms again.  You know the usual lover/spouse stuff.  It's all so universal.  I feel somewhat like a voyeur looking through stuff like that!  I think I might run all those letters through my Neat Scanner just to keep those that seems to mark a place in time that was important or just interesting.  I'm sure I will find many a thing that I didn't know and will wonder about.  At least my Mom is still here and I can ask her.  How fun is that?

Spring Break

It's a sunny, cold day today and I've been reading friends' Facebook pages and saw one about Arizona.  We used to go every year to see my folks, but they have sold their place there and their lake place in Brainerd.  They now live in Fargo, of all places.  I guess to be closer to me.  It's kind of weird not to be going to Arizona.  It's a nice place to visit, yet, I don't think I would like to live there. It's too brown. Or, tan.  Not much green.  No change of seasons, at least in Tucson where my folks were.  I do miss the artists at Tubac and the fun we had going there.  Mom is sick and has PSP or Progressive Supranuclear Palsy.  It's not nice and not many have heard of it, including her doctors. They thought she had Parkinson's but she didn't respond to the meds for that.  She even went to Mayo and they weren't sure at that time what it was.   It took a doc from Fargo to recognize her symptoms.  she probably is just bad enough now for docs to figure it out.  I guess it doesn't matter, because there is no cure at the moment.  It is progressive, so she will probably die of it or of a complication.  It difficult to watch her slide away.  She can't see very well, and can't walk without help because she looses her balance and has fallen a few times because she is so dizzy.  One time, just last week, she went over backwards and cut her head and had to have stitches.  She's weak and can't do much.  He eyes bother her alot.  She has to have drops put in them and Dad doesn't like to do it much.  She has to use thickener in her liquids because she can't swallow without swallowing down the "wrong pipe".  Her throat muscles are effected and she can't speak very loud either.  I think the hardest thing for her is not being able to read.  She just got glasses with prisms and she doesn't  like them.  I told her they might take some getting used to.  I am thinking of getting her an iPad, or iPad Mini,  iPod or a Kindle Fire so she could get books on tape or at least listen to the radio, or make the print larger, or both.  She has a Nook somewhere, but its an old one that probably doesn't read text out loud.  We haven't found it,yet, anyway, since the move.

I guess I haven't written much and maybe will write more about this, if for not other reason, than to help someone else if they have it or know someone who does.  There is website about it if you would like to know more about it at http://www.psp.org/ .  Enough for now.